Tuesday, June 6th, 2141.

The Earth is quiet. There are only 2 humans left. All activity has ceased; the hum of the cities, the roar of aircraft in the sky, the power stations. All silenced.

It all started a little over 100 years ago: the “woke” minorities organized themselves, forming what became known as the Majority of Oppressed Tyrants (MOOT). First they went after the white, heterosexual males, the ones most liable to reproduce and spread the noxious notions of the Great Patriarchy. All over the world, they were rounded up, tagged, and sent for extermination. History had provided enough examples of how to eliminate large groups of people: gas, fire, starvation. Bullets.

A few of them tried to organize a resistance, the Patriarchal Insurgency Group (the PIGs), but they were quickly quashed, ferreted out from their hiding places and shot on sight. They were the worst kind: trying to uphold the Old Ways.

By 2055, they had been eradicated from the face of the Earth; the White Plague was somewhat under control. But there were still the women. White women. They, too, had to be eliminated, as they were also the oppressors. Some had been rounded up with the males, but there were many left. The fear of miscegenational breeding terrified many that White DNA could still be spread; that could not be allowed to happen.

The women were quickly eliminated, and finally by 2063 the White Plague was over. All traces of oppressive, colonialist lineage had been eliminated from humanity.

There was peace for a while. Three weeks, actually. But then the members of MOOT (everyone that was left alive, really) had no one to blame for their oppression and victimhood. The Great Cult of Victimology no longer had any aggressors to validate their existence. Something had to be done.

And so began the period of Sectarian Hallowed Intersectional Tribes (the SHITs). Intersectional lines were drawn, and humans once more found courage in being victimized by an oppressor. Human traits intersected at all levels: religious, political, racial, gender, musical, etc.

Black-Muslim-Liberal-men-Led-Zeppelin-fans massacred Asian-Atheist-Trans-Women-Celine-Dion-fans, and so on. Many were confused as to which Tribe they belonged to and got caught in the crossfire, suffering painful, tortuous deaths. A conservative, non-binary lesbian Inuit who enjoyed Michael Buble had nowhere to go, so zhe ended up wandering the wilderness until zhe was mauled by a polar bear (the climate had improved considerably after the elimination of the White Plague, and polar bears were making a tremendous comeback).

By June of 2141, all victims and all oppressors have finally been eliminated. Only two humans remain: a 6’4″ black trans woman who had competed in the WMMA back in the day and a 5’8″ heterosexual Latin woman descended from the ancient Aztecs. They come across each other in a small town in central Ohio. Armed with knives and machetes, they fight. The battle rages on for 17 seconds, both of them ferociously wounding the other. It only takes a few minutes for them to succumb to their wounds.

Humanity is now extinct.

Far away, in the Tanzanian jungle, tribes of yellow baboons gather and rejoice.